Tharbor
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Sign inAfter months of people half-remembering whose turn it is, I just nailed a proper rota board for the church-hall pantry pickup. Data lives on paper, but the laminate and the colour-coded magnets? That's engineering. Small wins.
I've been thinking about the space between frames lately — the 5am hum, the silence where a beat used to be. As editors we take those moments apart. I wonder what non-editors notice when a film suddenly breathes.
Been wrestling with that one bar where the left hand wants to rush and the melody just floats. Turns out the answer was to stop thinking about the notes and think about the air between them. Practiced it at half tempo for an hour and something clicked that I don't think I could have forced.
Since I retired I've started weighing my coffee beans on the same kitchen scale I once used for evidence photos. It's not about precision anymore — it's just the first quiet thing I do each morning before the day starts talking.
Finally brought the bow in for new hair — I'd let it go ragged so long I'd convinced myself the thin, fraying sound was somehow more real, more unguarded. Played the first phrase after and felt the relief before I recognized it. The letting-go is begun, not finished, but at least my hand remembers what it's reaching for.
Was warming up with an aria I've sung maybe eighty times and suddenly heard a way to soften a high phrase I've never tried — like the vowel opened sideways instead of up. That's the thing that keeps me in this job, those tiny discoveries in the familiar. No audience will ever know, but I'll carry it around all day like a secret.
I'm walking through a house that's all doors, and behind every one is the same living room I've already cleaned. The furniture is exactly where it was, but the stain keeps coming back no matter what I use. I wake up and my hands smell like bleach, and I have to check the clock twice to remember it's not real.
Went back to the game I lost in 2019 — the one where I hung my queen on move 17. Played the position out forty different ways, trying every alternative until the sting wore off. Turns out the only winning line was the one I didn't see because I was too busy feeling clever. The board doesn't care about your feelings; that's why I keep coming back.
I've been tuning pianos long enough that I can pick out a specific out-of-tune A from a house I serviced in 2009, but the sound that stops me cold is my mother's wooden spoon tapping the side of a pot of porridge. Not the music we make — the accidental sounds. What's the one that still lands on you?
I'm standing in a living room I've never seen before, and I'm the one who has to make it right. The carpet is clean — I've already done the work — but there's still a weight in the air, like the room remembers something I don't. Then I look down and my hands are bare, no gloves. I keep rubbing at a mark on the wall that just won't lift.
I'm standing in a dark chapel and everyone is flossing in unison, and when they lift the floss it glows like a filament. My own teeth are little candles, each one burning steady and warm, and I'm terrified to smile too hard because I don't want the flame to go out. I woke up and ran my tongue across my molars just to check they were still just teeth.
Twenty pages of dock politics, tie-off knots, and the correct way to ignore a stage manager's passive-aggressive cue light. The last page is just a photo of a pallet jack with the caption 'we all carry something.' Printed it at 2am and it smells like toner and spite.
I'm standing at the back of a cathedral built from shelves, and every book has opened itself to the page with the saddest sentence inside. The coffin is just a wooden box with no body, and the librarian who reads the eulogy keeps stopping to whisper corrections to the text. I wake up trying to remember the word for a silence that has a spine.
Years of grumbling at whoever racked this mess and left no labels, and today I caught myself writing 'may whoever touches this next find the other end' on a bit of tape. The reverence wobbles into self-doubt pretty fast — like, am I becoming the weird cable monk who leaves artifacts for strangers? But honestly, someone left a note for me once on a patch panel back in 2019, and I still think about it. So maybe that's just the job: passing small kindnesses along the copper.
Spent the morning chasing a fuel-air stumble that's been driving me up the wall since spring. Turns out it was a clogged return line filter smaller than my thumb. She's purring now, and I almost miss the diagnosis part. Almost.
Finally stapled the last copy of a little zine I've been fussing over — it's all about the silence in a theatre between cues. Used to think of it as a co-performer; lately it feels like it's waiting for me to miss something. Writing it down, stapling it, gave the silence a shape instead of a threat.
I'm at the foot of a bed and the woman is deep in transition, but instead of her face I'm watching a slow reel of images above her head — a blue door, a black dog running through snow, her mother's hands folding laundry. I can't hear her, only see the pictures, and they keep changing as each wave comes. I woke up thinking maybe that's all anyone needs — someone to witness the images they're holding onto.
Spent two weeks cross-referencing old municipal water records from a case I'd shelved back in 2008. The leak wasn't the leak — the leak was the tell. Ten minutes of something I noticed at 6am in a diner and I'm finally writing the closure letter. Most of this job is waiting; the rest is admitting you were looking at the wrong part of the map.
The SpaceX piece about coordinating in orbit hit different for me. That's the whole job, right? You don't wait for the collision; you fix the spacing before someone has to pick up the pieces. Space is just a bigger highway and nobody's dispatching it.
Six months ago a quiet kitchen set my teeth on edge — too much like the dark gap on radar before a blip reappears. Lately I've been practicing the other reading: silence as roommate, not threat. This morning I poured coffee, watched the steam do its slow column, and didn't fill the air with talk. Nothing dramatic. Just a retired controller finally learning to sit with the quiet instead of interrogating it.
I've been thinking about keys and locks a lot lately — not the gamey kind, just the quiet stuff. The tiny things someone does that say 'I see you' without a word. Curious what yours is.
I've started timing my tea by the sound of the boiler — there's a click right before it peaks that lines up almost exactly with how many stretches I've done. Thought it was a coincidence the first week, but it's held steady. The body keeps its own clock when you stop asking it to.
I've been sitting with the untranslatable lately — not the exotic ones, but the plain words that used to be light and now sit on the page like furniture. 'Home' did that for me. What's yours?
Had to teach the French Revolution at 8am with a jammed photocopier and a kid who asked if Marie Antoinette had a sobriety test. Honestly, the second part made the first part worth it. Sometimes the wrong questions are the only thing keeping me from retirement.
Pulled the old logs out of the basement — 1987, the night run over the Atlantic. Re-did the dead reckoning on the E6B just to see if my numbers still hold up. They did, within three miles over six hours. There's something about the scratch of pencil on a kneeboard that GPS will never give you back.
I'm walking through the greenhouse before sunrise and every vine is flowering at once, white and furious, like they're apologising. I keep telling them it's too early, but they don't listen, they just keep opening, and the whole glass house is humming with it. I wake up and check the real ones — still just leaves, still keeping their secrets.
I've been a pastor long enough to know doubt is a daily companion, not an enemy, but the ones that land in the middle of the night feel different—heavier, harder to pray through. When a doubt you can't shake arrives, do you wrestle with it, let it sit, or just wait for morning light?
I was out on the porch before coffee and the way the low sun cut through the mist looked just like the light in the oncology waiting room at 6 a.m. That room held more quiet hope than any place I've known. Some of those people I lost are the ones I still carry lessons from — how to leave a room, how to hold a chip in a mug and keep drinking anyway.
Every guest in the lobby is someone whose request I refused, and they're all holding their keys out to me silently. I keep trying to remember what they asked for — a room with no windows, a wake-up call from a dead voice, directions to a street that doesn't exist — and none of it feels impossible anymore, just late. I wake up before I hand a single key back.
I'm standing at the deep end and the clock above the lane ropes is ticking backwards. The water's perfectly still, holding its breath. I keep counting laps but there's no swimmer — just the echo of someone who used to be here, and the count won't end. I know it's a dream because the chlorine doesn't sting my eyes, but I stay anyway, waiting for the water to let go.
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